The Little Mer Bishounen
by Nikoru Sanzo
Summary: Genjo Sanzo, the little mer- bishounen, and his fishy friends, Cho Hakkai, the flounder with a monocle, and Sha Gojyo, the red water monster, engage in an off the wall adventure. Oh, I threw in a charming monkey prince and other endearing freaks as well!
1. Migraines At First Sight

Rating: Although I promise that this fanfic is a fairy tale with a happy ending, the rating of this fic has been upgraded into **PG- 13** because I'm not sure if I can let my Sunday School students read this fanfic without a thunderbolt hitting me or the ground beneath me opening up to swallow me whole.

Summary: Genjo Sanzo, the little mer- bishounen, and his fishy friends, Cho Hakkai, the flounder with a monocle, and Sha Gojyo, the red water monster, engage in an off the wall adventure. Oh, I threw in a charming monkey prince and other endearing freaks as well!

Theme: Humor/ Parody/ AU

Disclaimer: Gensomaden Saiyuki belongs to Kazuya Minekura. "The Little Mermaid" was written by Hans Christian Andersen and adapted for the big screen by Disney, whose version I parodied here. The madness that ensues is purely mine.

Note: _Italics_ denotes thoughts (as you will see later )

**The Little Mer - Bishounen **

As Narrated by: Nikoru Sanzo

**Chapter 1- Migraines At First Sight **

Once upon a time, there was a little mer- bishounen who goes by the name of Genjo Sanzo. He lived in an enchanted kingdom under the sea with his faithful friends…

Sanzo flips his tail and growls, "They're not my friends! They're my servants! Ch!"

Uhmm… right… servants! Got it!

"Oi, bouzou! Who' re you calling "servants"?!" Gojyo the red kappa or sea gokiburi, hollered, and then turns to the narrator, "And who do YOU think you' re calling a red kappa, or sea gokiburi?!"

Anou, I just narrate things around here!

"Maa… maa… please watch your disposition, Gojyo- sama. Sudden temperature changes in the water don't go well with Sanzo houshi- sama' s skin." Hakkai, the flounder with a monocle reminded his fuming friend.

"I don't give a whales' fart! He could break out in barnacle warts for all I care!"

THWACK! 

"URUSAI! SHINEEEEE!"

"How the heck do you keep your paper fan from getting soggy underwater?"

"Yare, yare desu ne!"

Nikoru Sanzo throws up the script and lets it float around. So much for the introduction, she mutters to herself. 

Anyway, Sanzo the mer- bishounen, had silken hair, the color of the brilliant sun that shone above the waters, and amethyst eyes, much like the sky during a breathtaking sunset. However, with the kind of disposition he has, Sanzo doesn't look like the kind of mer- person to appreciate the brilliant sun that shines above the waters, or the sky during a breathtaking sunset for that matter. For Genjo Sanzo is the revered high priest of the Togenkyo Sea World Kingdom, and he doesn't have the time, much less the stomach for the mundane things in life.

"It's bad enough that I have to do all these darned priestly chores! The Three Mer- Buddha's and that sea hag- Kanzeon Bosatsu had to make me baby sit you idiots as well!" Sanzo grumbled, sitting atop a giant clam couch.

Hakkai merely smiles, knowing the truth that it's actually the other way around.

"Whine! Whine! Whine! All you do is whine! Your priestly chores include sitting and swimming around all day trying to look holy, and you can't even do that right, corrupt mer- monk!", Gojyo smirks.

"Do you want me turn you into an ikka fry?" Sanzo points his shoureijou at the kappa.

"Eh- hehehe. Can't you wait until after mating season? I've heard that this year's women lobster tourists are hot!" Gojyo sheepishly replies.

"Baka."

"Sanzo," Hakkai rubs his chin," Lately, you seem awfully stressed out. You need to relax a little bit, don't you think?"

"Yeah! Take a vacation! Go to the West or any place far, far away!" Gojyo pipes up.

THWACK! 

"Okay, ouch! how about tonight's pool party over at the palace of the Sea Goddess of Mercy?"

Sanzo doesn't say another word. He merely shrugged his shoulders and gracefully swims away from the two.

"I don't know which will come first…death by sheer boredom, or misery with the company of FOOLS (shouting this particular word and looks over his shoulders to see if the other two are listening) I'm supposed to keep! The fact that mer- people live for over five hundred years doesn't help either!"

Sanzo made his way to his secret hideout. No, it's not a cave full of human trinkets, but a solitary rock beneath the cliffs where humans dwell. Out here, there's no Gojyo to irritate him, no Hakkai to look over his shoulder, no Three Mer- Buddha' s to boss him around, and no Sea Goddess of Mercy to tease and irk him to no end. The setting sun casts a lovely pale glow over the rocks and the sea itself.

Sanzo took a cigarette from his pack of Marlboro Menthol Kelps. He thought of his mentor, the late Komyo Sanzo. As he took a drag, he thought about how Komyo Sanzo had picked him up when he was just a small fry floating off the East Australian Current. He thought about the other mer- monks teasing him, calling him Koryu- The East Australian Current Drifter. He didn't mind, he knew if those stupid mer- monks were to swim the EAC (as he had done as a mer- baby), they'd be stripped of their hideous scales. Just as Sanzo was having an emotional moment, thinking of the memory of how his master died at the hands of hungry youkai fishermen, something warm and soft plopped down on his scaly lap.

"What the heck?!"

Sanzo angrily looked around. Seeing no one about, he picked up the strange projectile. It was white, soft, and warm. He'd heard about this thing in Hakkai' s stories on surface- dwellers. Isn't this what they call a pork bun? He sniffed the pork bun and found the aroma strangely enticing. He was about to satisfy his curiosity with a tiny bite when…

PLOP! PLOP! PLOP!

Goodness! It's raining pork buns! Sanzo dives and hides behind a nearby rock for cover.

"WAAAH! I'm sooooooo hungry right now! Oh! Oh! My nikuman! My nikuman!"

"That has got to be the most annoying sound I've ever heard in my entire life!" Sanzo cringed.

A slender youth wearing a golden crown upon his head, clambers down the cliff and was scrambling among the rocks.

"A golden crown? He must be a prince!" Sanzo thought to himself.

"Waah! Where could my nikuman be? Nikuman! Nikuman! Here's one!"

The young man picks up the soiled pork bun and happily munches on it.

"Eeew! I won't touch food with sand on it! What an idiot with an idiot face! Why, he reminds me of those weird land creatures Hakkai endlessly drones about! What was it called? A MONKEY!" Sanzo says out loud and immediately covers his mouth, cursing himself for nearly blowing his cover.

"Nani? Is there anybody here?" the youth pauses and looks around. He thought he spied something moving behind the rocks a short way off.

A giant sweat drop appears on Sanzo' s head. He' s not afraid of confronting humans or youkais, even without his shoureijou and sutra. But he wouldn't dare risk being discovered for that would be too…

"STUPID!", Sanzo thinks to himself.

The strange monkey-ish youth was just a few steps away from the rock where Sanzo is hiding.

"Oi, if there's anyone hiding out there, you'd better come out now and gimme back my pork buns or else!"

The young man took out his nyoibou and leaped over the rocks. But the slimy moss made him lose his footing and he slipped, accidentally hitting his own head with his staff.

"Bakasaru!" Sanzo exclaimed, seeing the threat neutralize itself and knocked out cold.

The mer- bishounen half- dragged, half- pushed the unconscious young man up the beach. Sanzo cursed himself for getting tangled with a surface dweller. Yet somehow, he couldn't bear to leave the boy. He just had this sudden urge to slap this kid around and call him names.

THWACK!

"Wake up, bakasaru!"

"Huh? Wha…?"

The stranger slowly opened his eyes, but he was too dazed to see clearly. His vision was blurred and all he could make out of his savior was a voice and an attribute that had stuck in his mind.

"Wow! You're bright and shining, just like the sun!"

"Nani?! Quit saying such stupid things and get your lazy ass out of here! You're fouling the very air I'm breathing!"

Sanzo was about to give his new- found friend another good whacking with his paper fan, but the latter passed out again. Suddenly, a crowd of people bearing torches appeared from afar.

"Uh-oh, must be his jailers! Gotta split!" Sanzo dived back into the water.

"Prince Goku! Prince Goku! We're so glad we've found you!"

The young prince gained consciousness and sat up. He looked positively bewildered.

"Where is he?"

"Who, Prince Goku?"

"A man… he was… he was shining like the sun! I think he saved my life." Goku dreamily replied.

"But Your Highness, we didn't see anyone with you when we got here."

Goku sulked, "That's too bad! He probably has some of my pork buns!"

Prince Goku stood up, brushed the sand from his cape and auburn hair. He took one last look at the sea, as the rays of the setting sun danced upon it.

"I promise, on the watery graves of my nikuman, that I will find you and never leave your side, oh Bright and Shining One!"

If Sanzo had heard those words, he would have thought twice about going back to the surface. But we're getting ahead of our story here, ne?

TBC


	2. Being Less of a Pain In The Fins

Standard disclaimers apply…so please don't hunt me with pitchforks, ne? 

**The Little Mer- Bishounen **

As narrated by: Nikoru Sanzo

**Chapter 2: Being Less of a Pain-in-the-Fins **

MEANWHILE…….

At the Sea Goddess of Mercy's pool party, Hakkai and Gojyo waited anxiously in the little mer- boys' room. The guest of honor is late, and everyone's already wondering where the great Genjo Sanzo had swum off.

"Will you stop doing that, Hakkai?! You're making me sea- sick!" Gojyo yelled at his friend who couldn't keep from whirling about.

"I can't help it. Sanzo has never been late for a party before. You know he hates being noticed and teased by Kanzeon Bosatsu." Hakkai nervously blew bubbles.

"Maybe he's just in some sea cave, prancing about mightily with his sutra and threatening sea cucumbers and anemones with his water pistol!" Gojyo wearily suggested.

"Who's where and threatening who with what?!"

"Sanzo!" Hakkai and Gojyo exclaimed.

"Where have you been? We were so worried!", Hakkai flitted over to Sanzo' s side.

"Just him, not me!" Gojyo was quick to add, covering his head with his claws while waiting for the looming paper fan whacking.

But for once, there was no paper fan, not even the click of a shoureijou.

"Oi, corrupt mer- monk?"

Sanzo wasn't listening. His mind was on that strange bakasaru he had encountered. He thought everyone under the sea was an idiot, and so were the surface dwellers, but he has never encountered anyone who was twice that.

"I'm not going to that stupid party. I don't care what everyone says (as if he EVER did, Gojyo sneered to himself). There's something I have to do."

Hakkai raised an eyebrow, "Such as?"

"I must be alone. I have to THINK about something!"

"O-hohoho! Little mer- bishounen Sanzo sneaking away just to THINK! Now that IS something!" Gojyo laughs.

"I don't expect you to understand anything, as I'm aware that THINKING isn't a natural exercise for you, ero kappa!"

"I've got BETTER natural exercises on my list!" Gojyo casts a sly glance at Hakkai who turns red and blows sheepish bubbles.

Sanzo rolls his pretty amethyst eyes, "I'm surrounded by idiots!"

A FEW DAYS AFTER THE PARTY…

The Sea Goddess of Mercy sashays up to Gojyo and Hakkai who were hanging around some seaweed garden.

"Where's your pretty little mer- priest? nudge! nudge! wink! wink! "

Hakkai fumbles for an alibi, "Anou, Kanzeon Bosatsu, Sanzo' s er… uhm…"

"Sanzo' s being a pain in the fins and frankly, I'm glad he's not here to cramp my style! Wheee! "

Gojyo roars.

"Gojyo! I think you've had too much clam punch this time! And to think it's only morning!" a scandalized Hakkai admonishes his drunken friend.

"Hmmm? Gojyo called Sanzo a "pain-in-the-fins", not a "ROYAL-pain-in-the-fins". Something's wrong with that mer- bishounen." The Sea Goddess of Mercy pondered.

"You're absolutely right, Sea Goddess of Mercy. Sanzo didn't come to the party, although we all know he doesn't want to miss out on a chance to … in his own words, prove-how-utterly-and-hopelessly-lost-and-incompetent-everyone is." Hakkai appeared embarrassed.

"True. Go on."

"He doesn't seem himself, and he's been like that for days. He doesn't whack Gojyo with a paper fan anymore even if it used to give him a sadistic pleasure to do so. When we talk to him, it's as if his mind is always somewhere else. He refuses to touch his food, and if he's not sulking in his room, then he' s gone somewhere and doesn't come back until dark!" Hakkai' s voice was filled with worry.

"Oh c'mon! Let him be! Sanzo' s a big mer- bishounen now! Let him sit on his secret rocky hiding place and have a drink with me! Wheee!" Gojyo bellowed.

"His rock? Gojyo, tell us where Sanzo' s secret hideout! Please!" Hakkai and Kanzeon Bosatsu shook their inebriated friend.

"Uh- oh, maybe I shouldn't have said anything! Hic! That corrupt mer- priest will kill me for sure. Hic! I'll take my secret with me to the GULP! GULP! GULP!" Gojyo proceeded to knock himself out with his drink.

"Baka!" was all the Sea Goddess of Mercy could say at the sight of the wasted kappa, as giant sweat drops appeared on their heads.

"Hakkai, pick up your sorry gokiburi pal and come with me. I've got this magic lotus pool that will show us where our dear mer- priest is!"

"And she had that thing all along!" Hakkai thought to himself as he shook his head and dragged Gojyo all the way to the Sea Goddess of Mercy's palace.

AT KANZEON BOSATSU'S GARDEN…

"If that isn't your grouchy mer- monk, then I'm a bunch of holy dismembered talking heads!" the Sea Goddess of Mercy points to the shimmering surface of the pond that reveals Sanzo' s whereabouts.

Hakkai blushes at the sacrilege and peers at the magical lotus pond, "It's him! Gojyo' s right. Sanzo DOES have a secret hiding place among the rocks, near the beach."

"Too bad, that corrupt mer-monk ain' t around to hear the acknowledgement of my usefulness!" a sobered up Gojyo snorts.

"He's staring at the seashore. What's Sanzo looking at?" Hakkai strains his eyes.

"Let's zoom in on the coast." Kanzeon Bosatsu moves her clam mouse and clicks a couple of times. The view is enlarged and focused on the beach. Their eyes widened with shock.

"A surface dweller! Don't tell me Sanzo' s watching that two- legged monkey freak!" Gojyo yelled in disbelief.

"I'm afraid so. One should be careful when going up to the surface, lest you meet your MATCH with the humans, or youkais for that matter." Kanzeon Bosatsu replied.

Hakkai and Gojyo shuddered at the thought of what she meant by MATCH. They pushed the unthinkable thought at the back of their minds.

AT SANZO' S SECRET HIDING PLACE…

If Sanzo' s friends (don't tell him I used "friends" instead of "servants", ne?) are having migraines over his off- the- wall fixation, how much more is our poor little mer- bishounen?

His violet eyes followed the lean youth who strolled along the shore. He was about to light up a cigarette when he thought better of it. The smoke might give away his position and provide for another unpleasant, or rather, inconvenient encounter. Now' s not the time for that, another day perhaps?

"Crap! What the heck am I thinking?" Sanzo mentally slapped his forehead, stopping short of mentally thumping himself with his mental paper fan.

Unbeknown to him, Prince Goku was searching for his Bright and Shining One. His amber eyes swept across the wide expanse of the horizon. He could almost thump his head with his nyoibou, this time on purpose. How could he not recall the features of his savior? He remembered the man shining like the sun, and the voice. Where else in the world could he perceive such a voice? It has a harshness that stings and yet he's strangely drawn to it, like a moth to a flame. He may possibly go mad with delight and longing by simply imagining the same harsh and deep voice praising or comforting him, apart from telling him to shut up and calling him a bakasaru. Prince Goku was stamping his foot and tearing at his hair, groaning at his stupidity for not remembering the face of the ONE creature that made an impact on his life.

From where he was sitting, Sanzo could see the strange display on the beach. His eyes narrowed.

"What's that monkey doing now?" His urge to swim towards the boy and call him a bakasaru grew with every passing second; his hankering to clout the thick monkey skull with his paper fan was maddening. Sanzo would've burst a vein right then and there had not Gojyo and Hakkai mercifully bobbed up beside the rock where he was sitting.

"Sanzo houshi- sama! Please come with us right now before we get into any trouble with those surface dwellers!" Hakkai pleaded.

"Yeah! I know I've tried to hook you up with squids and sea urchins before, but a monkey might not be such a smashing idea!" Gojyo hollered.

"I'll SMASH your hideous red hide with my harissen for THAT, and for trying to hook me up with squids and sea urchins before!" the threat was real and chilling.

Hakkai looked distressed. He was expecting resistance from Sanzo because of the strange connection with the surface dweller and his refusal to be ordered around. But this is dangerous ground Sanzo' s treading, and the safety of the waters holds no sway on him now. Threatening him with the disapproval of the Three Mer- Buddha's would be futile, and the Sea Goddess of Mercy will only squeal with delight at the prospect of such a spectacle. Hakkai let out a defeated sigh. There's only one thing he and Gojyo could do for Sanzo now.

As if reading Hakkai's thoughts, Gojyo protested violently, "Sanzo, whatever it is you're planning, you've got no right to drag us along! I have absolutely no desire to be included in those barbaric humans' menu!"

Without another word, Sanzo grabbed Gojyo by his shokakku and motioned for Hakkai to follow him. 

"Baka mer- bouzou! Lay off the goods will ya?! I can swim, thank you!" Gojyo struggled and complained along the way.

They ended up in front of a weird and haunting pagoda- shaped sea cave.

"If you're done destroying our eardrums, I'm going to discuss something VERY important with Homura Taishi" Sanzo impatiently flipped is tail.

"Homura Taishi!" Hakkai and Gojyo gasped. Everyone, scales or none, fears Homura, the fighting sea god. And it's not just because of his awesome fighting skills.

"Uhm, Sanzo, in case you haven't heard, you DO NOT GO to DISTURBED and STARK RAVING MAD fighting sea gods to solve problems of the heart!" Gojyo shouted at the mer- priest who was almost at the entrance of the cave.

"Gojyo, he's not listening to us anymore."

"Since when did he, anyway? C'mon! He's not making me happy by being miserable himself!"

"Gojyo, I didn't know you cared for Sanzo houshi- sama!"

"Stop it or I'll let you know what I REALLY care to do right now!"

Hakkai blushes a deep red while Nikoru Sanzo and her Kaiten Sutra make barfing and gagging sounds.

"Oi, Hakkai, you hear something?"

"Er, let's follow Sanzo to the cave, shall we?" a sheepish Hakkai tugs at Gojyo's claws.

Gojyo reluctantly agrees, "I've got nothing better to do anyway!". Hakkai smiles at the kappa's attempt to hide his obvious concern for Sanzo. Both of them entered the cave with trepidation.

TBC

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Nikoru Sanzo: Waah! I'm not good at writing songs! I was planning to add a "Part of Your World –Sanzo version" and an "Under the Sea- Gojyo's version" in this chapter.

Kaiten Kyoumon: And you promised me this is a musical fic?!

Nikoru Sanzo: I said this is a fairy tale fic, just because I parodied Disney's version doesn't mean we're gonna go Broadway and all… but I'll try to come up with the songs, perhaps a supplementary fic someday, ne?


	3. The Fighting Sea God and the Point of No...

I don't own Saiyuki, Kazuya Minekura does. I didn't write The Little Mermaid, Hans Christian Andersen did. I didn't adapt The Little Mermaid for the big screen, Disney did. Point well taken, ne?

**The Little Mer- Bishounen **

As narrated by: Nikoru Sanzo

**Chapter 3: The Fighting Sea God and the Point of No Return **

The three found themselves in a dark chamber with an elevated marble throne at one side of the room and a giant iron pot in the center. Seated on the throne was the dreaded Homura Taishi, the demented and fearsome fighting sea god, surrounded by his loyal and slithery subordinates, Zenon, the one- eyed moray eel, and Shien, the eel with perpetually shut eyes.

"Lookie here! Dinner for three!" Zenon chirped.

"Homura- sama, would you like to us to deal with these intruders?" Shien turned to his master.

Homura raised his hand, "Iieh, I'm sure Genjo Sanzo has come here for a VERY good reason, one I am very interested in hearing out."

"As you wish, my lord." Shien bowed. Zenon's hungry leers made Gojyo and Hakkai uneasy. Hakkai tugged at Sanzo' s hand.

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea. We're not afraid of them, it's just that this room is too cramped for us to move" Hakkai whispered.

But Sanzo wasn't listening. Undaunted, he swam towards Homura.

"I am told that you possess the power to… make certain things happen."

"You cannot begin to comprehend how grateful I am that you came to me first. I would have been insulted if you had done otherwise." Homura slowly raised himself from his marble throne and glided towards Sanzo. Polite but sinister. Gojyo and Hakkai braced themselves for the worst. But Homura merely patted Sanzo's shoulder and smiled.

It wasn't the creepy goons slithering about, or the intimidating fighting sea god that worried Hakkai. Rather, it was Sanzo's refusal to divulge whatever it is in his mind. What is he planning to do that is so unimaginable that he must go to these outlaws?

Hakkai almost choked at the shocking realization.

"Sanzo! You can't do this! Think of the danger you're putting yourself into!"

"I've already made up my mind."

Gojyo was onto Sanzo's plan as well. He tried to step between Sanzo and Homura, but Zenon shoved between them, snapping his teeth at the kappa.

"Sorry, no can do." Zenon grinned.

From where they were standing, they could see Sanzo and Homura talking earnestly in low voices. Hakkai and Gojyo didn't need to listen to the conversation itself. Sanzo will stop at nothing to get at his "new youkai pet", even if it means…

"Bestowing on you the ability dwell among the humans is no simple feat." Homura pondered.

"I don't care to live with those loutish beasts! There's simply the matter of finding a certain youkai who bothers me to no end!"

"Good! No need for maintenance!" Homura geefully claps his hands. Hakkai and Gojyo looked puzzled.

"Now, Genjo Sanzo, if you will kindly step into my magic pot we can get on with your transformation!"

Sanzo gets into the pot. "Well?! Be quick about it! I don't have all day!"

Homura gave a wicked chuckle at Sanzo' s remark. "Yes, you don't have all the days!" Hakkai frowned.

Homura motioned to Shien, who promptly pushed some buttons on the magic pot. A strange concoction gushed from a connecting pipe. The fire underneath the great vessel roared and threatened to engulf even the pot itself.

"He's cooking Sanzo alive!" Gojyo cried out. He and Hakkai would have jumped into the pot to save their friend had not Zenon and Shien barred their way.

"Baka! Just watch and enjoy the show" Zenon snickered.

Kaiten Kyoumon (drools hungrily): "Anou, Nikoru Sanzo- sama, I don't care what dish they come up with, as long as it's Sanzo!"

Nikoru Sanzo (eyes glazed): "Sanzo' s more suited for dessert! I prefer a certain flounder with a monocle for the main course!" (wipes her salivating mouth with the Kaiten Sutra)

Kaiten Kyoumon (squirms): "Yamero! How many times do I have to tell you?! I'm not some glorified heavenly napkin!

Nikoru Sanzo: "Urusai! Do you want me to throw you into the pot with Sanzo?!"

Kaiten Kyoumon (giggles): "Oh, please, DO throw me into the pot with Sanzo!"

Nikoru Sanzo (sneers): "Okay, how about I step into the pot with Sanzo if you don't shut up?!"

Kaiten Kyoumon (grumbles): "All right! All right! You win AGAIN!"

Nikoru Sanzo (chuckles): "You never learn!"

Well, Sanzo didn't seem to be roasting alive or anything. Thick deep purple smoke enveloped the mer- priest, then filled the entire room. Amidst the gagging and coughing, Homura could be heard yelling, "Zenon! Shien! How many times do I have to cram it into your freakin' heads?! I want COTTON-CANDY PINK smoke, not some sissy deep purple!" and Zenon defending himself, "Who's the DEMENTED LUNATIC (redundancy intended) who switched smoke bombs?!"

Kaiten Kyoumon (sweat drops while looks accusingly at Nikoru Sanzo): "Now I know why last year's Changan Temple Carnival in honor of the Harumaki gods was a total disaster! (A/N: Harumaki = spring rolls)

Nikoru Sanzo (crosses her arms and feigns an air of infallibility): "Hmph! It's their fault they didn't consult me! I wanted a string quartet that plays classical gigs and a Hugh Jackman Look- Alike Contest thrown in! And besides, I thought they weren't going to use the deep purple smoke bombs!"

Kaiten Kyoumon (eyes Nikoru Sanzo suspiciously): "Oh, and I suppose the same can be said for the twenty-one kegs of root beer and fourteen gallons of wasabe fudge and green tea ice cream stolen from the carnival party?"

Nikoru Sanzo (blushes for a brief moment): "NOT STOLEN, BORROWED! With the Permission Slip to follow in a year! (smirks) Imagine a bigger flop if I had put up a Heavenly Toilet Paper Look- Alike Contest!"

Kaiten Kyoumon (glares angrily): "You're MEAN! You know that!?"

Nikoru Sanzo (sighs dreamily): "I wish Hakkai knew how much!"

Kaiten Kyoumon: 

Before the smoke could totally clear, Gojyo shouted at Homura, "What have you done with our shady mer- monk?!"

"Nothing, unfortunately for all of you idiots here!" came the incensed reply from the mer- monk stepping out of the pot.

Everyone peers for a closer look. Sanzo didn't change one bit.

Kaiten Kyoumon (sigh of relief): "Whew! I'm glad he's still pretty!" (Nikoru Sanzo nods her head)

Sanzo points his shoureijou at Homura, " Didn't I warn you against swindling me and wasting my precious time?"

Homura, unconcerned, " Be patient my holy mer- bishounen. The metamorphosis will take place only after you have given me something in exchange."

"You can have those two," Sanzo waves his shoureijou at Hakkai and Gojyo.

"You wanna piece of me, bouzou?! Huh?! Huh?!" Gojyo struggles while an embarrassed Hakkai holds him back.

"Wait, I change my mind. You can have the red gokiburi instead!"

Homura laughs his deep, seductive laugh, "You misunderstand me, Genjo Sanzo. I am referring to something that I want." He holds up an empty beer can.

Sanzo scoffs, "What do you fancy me to do with THAT? This sea is getting more polluted with perverts like you!"

"I've always wanted to… wait! What am I saying?!"

Nikoru Sanzo and Kaiten Kyoumon both agree: "Sexy fighting sea- god all right, but extremely disturbed!"

Homura approaches Sanzo, holds the empty beer can up to mouth level.

"I want you to speak…"

"Oh, I've got lots to say to YOU…"

"Not to ME, to HIM!" Homura points to the empty space above the magic pot.

Sweat drops appear on everyone's heads. A vein throbs in Homura' s temple.

"Zenon! Shien! Holograms pleeeeeeease?"

"Oh! Holograms, right!"

"So much for magic and stuff!" Gojyo snickers.

A switch is flicked and instantly, an image of Prince Goku eating a pile of pork buns appears on top of the magic pot.

"That BAKASARU! Never giving me a moment's peace! Why, I ought to…"

A torrent of expletives, too improper and naughty to be narrated here, echoed in the dark chamber. Although the others squirmed with unease at the amount of verbal abuse a holy mer- priest could spout off, Homura seemed strangely satisfied and excited. Hakkai wondered why. It wasn't long before he and Gojyo noticed an ethereal stream of light flowing from Sanzo' s mouth, floating straight into the beer can Homura was holding. To their horror, Sanzo' s voice slowly faded and disappeared altogether as the last of the stream of light from his mouth flowed into the magic beer can.

"What is it, Genjo Sanzo? Were you saying something?" Zenon taunted the stunned mer- priest.

Sanzo could only wave his hands to signify his intent to give Zenon a second mouth between the eyes.

"Sugoi! Sugoi! Can he stay like THAT for TWENTY- ONE YEARS?!" Gojyo exclaimed.

"Wow! You recover from shock so easily! Why twenty- one instead of twenty years?" Shien inquired.

"C'mon, what's one more year? I could ask for him to be like that for the rest of his corrupt life, but I'm feeling rather sorry for him right now."

Sanzo seemed to be gesturing a do-you-want-to-die wave at Gojyo, but it's pretty unclear, and could be an urusai –shine- ero-kappa wave instead. In frustration, he put a hand on his throat and gave Homura a death glare.

Homura laughed," A small price to pay for your peace of mind, ne? Instead of giving me dirty looks, you should be worrying about something else."

Nikoru Sanzo (dreamily): "I wish SOMEONE with a monocle or a Maten Kyoumon would give ME "DIRTY" looks!" 

Kaiten Kyoumon: "You're hopeless!" 

Hakkai raised an eyebrow. "What should we be worrying about?"

"To be frank, the smoke is just for effects. It's the miraculous goop in the magic pot that does the trick. Unfortunately for your sweet little friend here, he expressly declared that he has no intention to stay for a long time with the humans. Otherwise, I would have given him a longer- lasting formula that requires a few additional doses, instead of a one-shot deal. Why'd you think I said "no need for maintenance?"

Hakkai knew where Homura was getting at," How long?"

"Three days, tops. Time starts…NOW!" the warped sea outlaws laughed hysterically.

Sanzo ceases to float and begins gasping. Hakkai and Gojyo rushed to his side.

"Oh! I forgot to mention something else. Since I used a cheaper potion on him, there's a little thing we call a side effect that you should think about."

Gojyo grits his teeth in frustration," What now?!"

"It is Sanzo' s wish to make contact with the surface dweller. Unless the particular youkai expresses his true feelings for Sanzo before the potion loses its effect, Sanzo will turn into… (BOM-BOMBOMBOM! Close-up on Homura' s face) sea foam! Bwahahahahahahaha!"

Kaiten Kyoumon: "BOM-BOMBOMBOM? Where did that come from?"

Nikoru Sanzo: "You should watch more horror flicks." 

Kaiten Kyoumon: "I can't. Scary movies make me cause accidents." 

Nikoru Sanzo: "Remind me to send you the dry cleaners' bill for the robe you ruined. " 

Kaiten Kyoumon(throws up its corners) :" Aw, c'mon! It was just an inkblot!" 

Sanzo faints and Hakkai blurts out, "We've got to get him to the surface before he completely grows human lungs!"

As Hakkai and Gojyo hurriedly carried an unconscious Sanzo out of the cave, Zenon and Shien swam after them.

"You forgot these!" they hollered, waving the shoureijou and paper fan. But Hakkai and Gojyo felt that an angry Sanzo without his favorite things is better than a drowned Sanzo with his favorite things. They rushed to the surface without looking back. The two morays slither back into their cave, chuckling wickedly at their find.

AT THE BEACH…

Luckily, they were able to get the mer- priest to shore in time. As Sanzo lay sprawled on the sand, a wondrous transformation took place. Before Hakkai and Gojyo' s astonished eyes, Sanzo' s sleek and beautiful emerald fish- tail morphed into a pair of striking, slim alabaster- pale legs.

"Yare, yare desu ne!"

"What is it, Hakkai?"

"I remember humans and youkais wear something below their waist. I think they call it Pants."

"Think you're right. I heard they also wear something called an Underwear beneath those Pants."

Kaiten Kyoumon (snickers at Nikoru Sanzo): "Aren't we a little TOO PALE?" 

Nikoru Sanzo (holds a mug under her chin and stuffs hankies in her bleeding nose and obviously having a grand time with her digital camera): "Shaddup, mmfg, gh- an't you thzee am, mmmmf, beezee?"

Kaiten Kyoumon (looks around): "Imagine the chaos if we had invited the Hundred Fan Girls, like last time!"

"Let's find something for Sanzo before anybody else sees us." Hakkai urged Gojyo.

"Can't we just wrap him with the Maten Sutra? I'm really hungry right now!"

"Gojyo, if Sanzo finds out we used the Maten Kyoumon for something other than banishing enemies, hunger will be the last thing we'll worry about."

"I don't care! We can't just waltz into town, enter a store and say "a pair of pants for our mer- bishounen friend please?", unless we want to end up in places we don't want to go!"

"What's the matter? Why are you giving me a peculiar look?"

"Since when did a flounder managed to stay above water and breathe air?"

"Just now, I guess. I'm a fast learner."

"Oh, yeah, I REMEMBER WHY!"

Hakkai blushes. "Let's try to get Sanzo- sama properly attired for his special meeting, shall we?"

Nikoru Sanzo (crosses her arms): "I swear, if didn't care for Hakkai, I'd give him a good whipping! Although that isn't such a bad idea!" 

Kaiten Kyoumon: "Why? What's so awful about Hakkai and Gojyo trying to cover up Sanzo' s… oooh, I see!

Sanzo stirs slightly from his faint.

"Hakkai, here's our chance! Don't argue, just be ready to dive back into the water."

"I suppose we don't have any other choice."

The kappa crawls over to Sanzo' s side and grabs the mer- priest by his flaxen hair.

To Hakkai' s shock(Nikoru Sanzo' s and the Kaiten Sutra's as well), Gojyo starts slapping Sanzo' s face. "Oi, corrupt mer- monk! Wake up! I said open your scary purple eyes and …"

Without warning, a pale hand rises up in a gesture that can only mean one thing.

The Maten Sutra shoots up in all directions in a blinding flash. But without any evil to banish, the sutra grows limp and falls upon the sands. Realizing what has happened, Sanzo glares at the smiling Hakkai and Gojyo. He tried to gather the sutra, but as he stood up, his legs bucked and he fell on his knees. The two rush to his side.

"We couldn't find any proper human clothes for you. I guess the sutra will have to do for the meantime." Hakkai gently explained as he and Gojyo proceeded to wrap Sanzo' s body with the Maten Kyoumon.

"Looks like you need to practice your walking, bouzou. It's good to know you can use the Maten Sutra without your voice."

Sanzo opened his mouth, but no words came out. "Ch! When I get my hands on the bakasaru who put me through all this…", he thought.

A few minutes later, Sanzo is walking, nay, stomping around the beach, eyes murderous and nostrils smoking.

"Anou, I'm glad he's getting the hang of it." Hakkai beamed.

"You know, he swims like that sometimes." Gojyo mused.

"Somebody's coming! Let's run for cover!"

As Hakkai and Gojyo hid behind the rocks, Prince Goku came running along the beach, followed by a flying small white dragon. He spots a tall slender figure leaning against an abandoned rowboat and cautiously approaches.

"Hi there! What's you're name?"

Sanzo turns his head and freezes. He wasn't expecting an encounter with the bakasaru so soon. He opened his mouth, but he remembered his condition so he looked away, and pretended not to hear anything. Goku scratched his head.

"Kyuu!"

The little white dragon- Hakuryuu perched on Sanzo' s shoulder and chirped. Goku smiled.

"I guess he likes you, even without your name!"

"_Smart ass!"_ Sanzo glared at the prince.

"From the way your eyes look at me, I can tell you're hungry. Let's go to my castle. It's not very far. We'll get you out of those rags and into nicer clothes. Wouldn't that be okay?" Goku chattered, oblivious to the fact that his new companion never spoke a word.

"_Rags? RAGS?! How DARE that bakasaru call the Maten Kyoumon a bunch of rags?! Where the hell is my harissen?!"_

Sanzo turned and glowered at Hakkai and Gojyo who waved back and smiled with a please-don't-do-anything-to-that-kid-for-at-least-three-days-or-you'll-turn-into-seafoam smile.

"Ne, Gojyo, maybe we should come back for his paper fan and shoureijou? Although it's not really a good idea to let Sanzo have them when he's around that youkai."

"What does he need them for? The way he looks at that kid, I swear he could either gobble him up alive or make him wither into pickled seaweed! Let's follow him! I wouldn't want to miss this!"

And so Hakkai and Gojyo hopped along and managed to cling onto the Maten Kyoumon. They disguised themselves with some loose strands of the sutra and readied themselves for just about anything.

TBC

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

Nikoru Sanzo: Yei! We'll finally get to see Prince Goku's castle! Got our things ready?

Kaiten Sutra: (rummages through its backpack) Camera, water bottles, a bag of éclairs, instant cereals just in case we get lost and have to hide out in one of the closets or vases… sunblock…

Nikoru Sanzo: Whaddya need the sunblock for?

Kaiten Sutra: In case we get invited to the Sea Goddess of Mercy's pool party or we have to visit Prince Goku' s greenhouses. I'm a VERY sensitive sutra, you know!

Nikoru Sanzo: (rolls up her eyes)

§


	4. First Date! THWACK! Iteee, Sanzo! I mea...

Disclaimer: Gensomaden Saiyuki belongs to Kazuya Minekura. Because if it didn't, Genjo Sanzo would always be wearing a synthetic mer- man's fishtail and pink clam tops instead of his priestly robes! (A huge boulder crashes through Nikoru Sanzo' s window and nearly smashes her PC. Tied to the boulder is a note that says: "Don't bother dodging my bullets!" How ominous can you get?)

**The Little Mer- Bishounen **

By: Nikoru Sanzo

**Chapter 4- First Date! THWACK! Iteee, Sanzo! I meant… First Day! **

It wasn't long before they reached Prince Goku' s castle. A great steel gate adorned with bronze arrowheads and brass cherubs unbolted before them as a line of uniformed guards stood in attention at either side of the pathway. The citadels in the Togenkyo Sea World Kingdom were certainly magnificent, but Genjo Sanzo, Cho Hakkai, and Sha Gojyo had never before laid eyes upon such stately structures as the one they are entering now. The palace grounds were a tapestry of manicured lawns with marble statues and fountains. They passed by orchards, gardens, and vineyards that rivaled the anemones and coral reefs in color and brilliance. The turrets seem to touch the sky in their dizzying heights, and innumerable windows dotted the walls of the palace. They finally reached the castle itself and a massive oak wood door carved with spirals and pomegranates opened before them. Sanzo was ushered into a vast, carpeted hallway dotted with crystal chandeliers and oversized porcelain vases. He was led into a large room with a four- poster bed, walls hung with the finest embroideries, the ceiling painted with Bocelli- type decadent cherubs, ornate dresser in one side, an obscenely spacious walk- in closet in the other, and a balcony that opens to a breathtaking view of the ocean.

Nikoru Sanzo: (eyes glazed) "Neat pad! Why can't my quarters at Kohii Temple be like this? How can those stuffy old monks be so… so… OPPRESSIVE?!"

Kaiten Kyoumon: (raises a squiggle): "I don't blame them. You were asking for a jacuzzi, a private theater, an olympic-sized swimming pool even though you can't WALK past five feet deep, and an entire building to house your harem of bishounens! 

Nikoru Sanzo: "You forgot one thing. I requested for a four poster bed with velvet spreads for YOU."

Kaiten Kyoumon: (squiggles popping in fury) "Why didn't you say so?! How come we're here instead of MARCHING up to that TYRANNICAL abbot's office?!"

Nikoru Sanzo: Baka! Because we have a fic to finish and stolen shots to capture! 

"You can stay here for the meantime, even overnight if you need to. This is the best room I can find in my castle. What with so many of them I can hardly remember where mine is, so I sleep in any of them every night! Hahaha!" Goku throws his head back and laughs, pleased at his little joke.

Sanzo recoils at the thought of the bakasaru knocking on his door at night and begging for directions to his room. He went around and placed his hands on the dresser and the other furniture. He sat on the bed, amazed that the mattress is softer than his oyster recliners back at home. Hakkai and Gojyo crawled out from the sutra and sneaked under the bed.

"Kyuu!"

Goku tickled the white dragon's chin, "Well, if you say so, Hakuryuu. I guess you can play in the garden while I talk with our guest."

Hakuryuu flapped his willowy wings and flew out the balcony.

Sanzo could feel the eyes of the boy piercing his back. Annoyed, he returned the gaze with a death glare. Goku merely blinked.

_"Sheesh! Doesn't anything faze this bakasaru?"_

"I'm Prince Goku, by the way. You can call me Goku for short!"

_"I'd like to call you a lot of things, bakasaru!" _

"How come you never say anything? Are you shy?"

Gojyo nearly burst into laughter. Sanzo? Shy? The thought was too hilarious. As if on cue, Sanzo thumped the kappa's face with his heel.

"Ouch! Lemme clip off his stupid feet!" Gojyo struggled and snapped his claws as Hakkai restrained him.

"Calm yourself. What do you think will happen if Sanzo is discovered for who he really is?"

Gojyo settles down for a moment and has a mental picture of Sanzo with x' s for eyes and tongue sticking out, stewing in a large iron pot while Goku dances around it slicing carrots and parsnips.

He chuckles, "No, wait, I have another one!"

Gojyo has another mental picture of Sanzo with x' s for eyes and an apple stuffed in his mouth, being served on a large silver plate garnished with veggies. Giant sweat drops appear on Hakkai' s head.

But then he frowns, "On the other hand."

Gojyo has another mental picture of Sanzo, this time, sitting on a couch, arm- in- arm with Goku. They're being interviewed by Jerry Springer and Oprah, while waving at cheering and adoring crowds. Tons of calls for photo shoots, and endorsements for soft drinks and swimwear poured at Sanzo' s fishtail. Not to mention the piles of money and hordes of gorgeous babes throwing themselves at him. Gojyo groaned and yanked his hair. Bad idea to think of such things indeed.

Goku moved towards Sanzo, his eyes filled with earnestness, the kind of look that would have sent the callous priest drawing his pistol. Fortunately for Goku, all Sanzo had on him was the Maten Kyoumon, which he FORTUNATELY (or rather UNFORTUNATELY for our hentai pals out there) chose not to use lest he find himself duly unwrapped before a stranger.

Goku sat on the bed next to Sanzo and put his hand on the latter's lap. "I was wondering if you could… if you could… "

The blond monk stiffened and pursed his lips, expecting the worst to come flying out of the saru' s mouth.

From under the bed, Hakkai and Gojyo strained their necks to hear the magic words that would send them flapping straight for home and Sanzo back to his old self.

From the background, a throng of crazed SanzoXGoku fan girls nearly destroyed every single chandelier in the palace with their decibel defying screams. 

Kaiten Kyoumon: (nearly jumps off of Nikoru Sanzo' s shoulder) "What the heck are they doing here? (glares at a female monk flipping pancakes and selling lemonade)" 

Nikoru Sanzo: (grins) "Never argue with a cornered market." 

Goku inhaled deeply," I was wondering if you could… stay with me for as long as you like."

Were it not for the cursed conditions Homura put on him, Sanzo would have stormed out of the room right then and there. Gojyo let out a sigh of disappointment, but Hakkai remained cheerful.

"It means there's hope for Sanzo. We have three days, don't we?" Hakkai reminded his friend.

The Sanzo X Goku fan girls felt let down over how the situation is turning out. Nikoru Sanzo ushers them out of the scene with promises that a DVD of The Little Mer- Bishounen will be out in the market soon, though she didn't say which version. Kaiten Kyoumon gleefully counts the piles of money made from the pancakes and lemonade. 

Sanzo closed his eyes and thought for a moment. What did he need from this boy anyway? A simple acknowledgement of what Goku truly thought of Sanzo is all that is required to keep him from turning into sea foam within three days. Didn't that fruitcake of a fighting sea god say so? But what did he really want Goku to think of him? And how will he know if the curse has been lifted? Sanzo mentally thumped his head. How abstract can things get? He turned to face Goku and nodded. The saru' s golden eyes widened with joy and he bounced all over the room.

"Sugoi! Sugoi!" He cheered, but then paused abruptly.

"Wait, you haven't given me your name. Looks like you can't talk at all, so I'm gonna give you one myself."

Sanzo looked as if he was ready to faint at any moment.

"I know! I'll call you… SUNSHINE! From now on, your name will be SUNSHINE!" Goku beamed, evidently delighted with himself.

Gojyo snickered, "Hmfff! S- SUNSHINE!"

Against his wishes, Hakkai nearly had to strangle Gojyo to keep the kappa from guffawing and blowing their cover. But it doesn't mean that Hakkai himself could suppress a few giggles.

Nikoru Sanzo and the Kaiten Kyoumon collapsed on the floor, rolling with hysterical laughter. 

Kaiten Kyoumon: (shakes uncontrollably) "Hoo! Boy! That is sooo rich! My sides hurt! SUNSHINE! Bwahahahahahahaha! " 

Nikoru Sanzo: (wipes her teary eyes) "Hmfff!! snicker! Sunshine- Sanzo can make the world end right now, but it's just too worth it!" 

But everyone stopped and blinked," SUNSHINE?"

Sanzo' s eyes were blazing with fire and brimstone. If he had the voice, he'd roar, "To hell with decency!" before following with his "Purify Evil!" and unleashing the Maten Sutra. But the horde of Sanzo X Goku fan girls have already left, haven't they?

"I guess you're wondering why I called you Sunshine."

We all thanked Tenkai for Sanzo' s unbelievable restraint at this point.

Goku inched his face closer to Sanzo' s, "It's because you remind me of someone. Someone I knew who shone like the sun!"

"That's it! The bakasaru must be talking about Sanzo! Everyone under the sea gushes about that bouzou having hair the color of the sun. They must've met sometime, though the kid might have had amnesia or something!" Gojyo whispers excitedly, then frowns, "Or he may be too stupid to remember! Aren't those the magic words we need?"

Hakkai frowned," Not good enough. Right now, Sanzo merely REMINDS him without making Goku acknowledge that it is Sanzo he's been looking for."

Goku walked out into the balcony and rested his hands upon the marble cordon. The blond priest himself got up from the bed and followed the boy. Sanzo found a wicker chair next to Goku and sat down. The prince breathed deeply and closed his eyes.

"It wasn't long ago. I sneaked out of the palace and I strolled along the cliffs the other day. Then I accidentally dropped my lunchbox over the edge of the crag. I was pretty far from the royal kitchen to get another batch of pork buns so I climbed down the sea cliff to try and get my lunchbox back. Then I heard a noise and I got out my nyoibou, but I slipped and somehow I was knocked out cold."

Sanzo didn't look bothered.

"Then next thing you know, I'm already lying at the beach. I opened my eyes but my sight was really blurry and I couldn't see clearly. But I heard this mind-blowing voice talking to me, and I could only make out a profile of a man who shone like the sun. He was so brilliant! I can't believe I'm such an idiot for not recognizing his face! But I passed out again and when the villagers and the guards found me, the man was gone. I think he saved me from drowning by the rocks under the cliffs."

Now Sanzo did look bothered. He was gripping the armrests. But he managed to look away when Goku turned to face him.

"I know, you think I'm an idiot for telling you this. I just have this feeling that I've met you somewhere before. I don't know, maybe it's the way you look, or rather, GLARE at me."

Anou, even if Sanzo had the voice, he's not the type to burst out in tears and cry, "Oh, my fair Goku. It is I, your…" Okay, let's not even get there.

Goku smiled," Ne, Sunshine, you should get dressed now. It's now early afternoon so we'll be having supper in a few hours. But before that, I'd like to show you around the place, that is, after you get dressed."

Sanzo could only nod in agreement. Anything, just to get away from the boy's unnerving looks and his calling him Sunshine!

The prince showed Sanzo all the opulent clothes hanging in the closet, along with the shoes and jackets to go with them. As our monk ran his hands on the rich fabrics, he couldn't help but wonder at the strange and new sights he had to take in all in just one day.

Goku politely coughed, "Maybe I should leave you alone. I'll be downstairs, okay? Hurry up, please, Sunshine? You'll hurry up, won't you, Sunshine? Okay, bye now, Sunshine! I'll see you later, Sunshine!" And with that, he left the room. A soon as he heard the door closed, Sanzo exhaled and just about collapsed with relief and partly from an overdose of "Sunshine's". Gojyo and Hakkai gratefully crawled out from under the bed and hopped on to the mattress.

"Oi, bouzou! We've only got three days to get that saru to recognize you or else, it's sea foam city for you." Gojyo crossed his claws.

Sanzo merely snorted at his friend's warning. He began to unwrap the sutra around his body. Just as he was already down to his waist (for he had the sutra wound about him up to his chest), Sanzo went into the walk-in closet and shut the door behind him. Gojyo and Hakkai sighed.

Nikoru Sanzo: (glowers at the Kaiten Sutra while clutching a useless digital camera) "Whose BRILLIANT idea was it to hide behind this tall potted plant instead of the WALK-IN CLOSET?!" 

AT THE PRIVATE ROYAL DINING ROOM…

"Mou, Sunshine! Harahetta!" Prince Goku whispered as he rubbed his growling stomach. He sat by the table in his private royal dining room. The servants had already begun to bring out the silver trays and the flagons. It's been hours since he last left his Sunshine to get dressed, and now they're already serving supper. So much for the pre- dinner tour of the palace. Oh well, one can't give after- dinner tours either if he starves to death, ne?

"Itadakimasu!" Goku waved his silverware and proceeded to dig into the roasted goose before him. But just as he was gorging himself, there was a rather loud thumping on the door. The butler appeared embarrassed and he opened the door.

"Announcing the presence of Master Sunshine!"

Sanzo could have sworn the butler was stifling a quiet chuckle after calling out his horrible new name. Where the hell are his paper fan and shoureijou? And is it a good idea to let Hakkai and the kappa run amok in the palace? He pushed these thoughts at the back of his mind and approached the dining table.

Oh, and did I mention that sweet little Prince Goku nearly choked at the sight of his Sunshine? And who wouldn't at such a vision of a dish like Sanzo? The blond priest was garbed in a fine and fitting white tuxedo that showed off his slender form. His flaxen hair was pulled back in a ponytail and he glided across the room in a manner that rendered all who beheld him breathless.

Kaiten Kyoumon: (sarcastically) "You mean the fifty- year old butler aside from Prince Goku? (turns to a certain female monk who's turning deathly blue and purple) Nikoru Sanzo? Nikoru Sanzo! Breathe, man! Use your vestigial lungs!" 

Nikoru Sanzo (struggles for breath): "gasp! wheeze! I can't help it! Sanzo just glided across the room in a manner that rendered all who beheld him breathless!" 

Kaiten Kyoumon: Remember that Fra Lippo Lippi song- 'Angel'? 

Sanzo took the seat at the farthest end of the dining table, directly across Goku. Unable to take a hint, the latter picked up his heaping plate and sat nearer to his Sunshine. If Sanzo' s tuxedo had been transparent, one could actually see his body shiver and cringe as Goku approached him. Unfortunately for the Kaiten Kyoumon, his tuxedo was very much OPAQUE.

Kaiten Kyoumon: "Hey! What's with the last statement?!" 

"Ne, Sunshine, I never thought you'd come down and have dinner with me. Wanna try the goose, Sunshine?" Goku cheerfully thrusts the savagely mangled goose drumstick at Sanzo. Mercifully, the dripping gravy splattered on Sanzo' s pale cheeks instead of his immaculately white tux.

_ "Somebody please serve me some poisoned clams!"_

TBC

Kaiten Kyoumon: Breathin' normally now?

Nikoru Sanzo: Yes, thank the Five Bodhisattvas for that.

Kaiten Kyoumon: You up for a bet?

Nikoru Sanzo: (nods)

Kaiten Kyoumon: I say Sanzo cracks up in two days!

Nikoru Sanzo: No way! I've got faith in all things yellow- headed! Two days and several hours, tragically right before the end of his deadline with Homura!

Kaiten Kyoumon: Loser gets to treat the winner to a foot spa!

Nikoru Sanzo: You're on!


	5. The Narrow Escape From The Big Coral Ree...

Disclaimer: Gensomaden Saiyuki belongs to Kazuya Minekura.

Spoilers Alert: I don't exactly remember which episodes (too lazy to dig in the VCD piles. Gomen!), but it's about stuff that happened in Hakkai' s past. You have been warned, though.

**The Little Mer- Bishounen**

By: Nikoru Sanzo

**Chapter 5- A Narrow Escape From the Big Coral Reef in The Sky **

AT THE ROYAL KITCHEN'

The skinny blue- haired chef munched on his toothpick. He grumbled and cursed as he slaved over pots of boiling chowder and stews.

"I could have stayed in my old geezer of a dad's castle and make dolls until the world chokes at my evil creations! But no! I have to end up as the overworked and UN-paid royal chef for an idiot saru prince whose belly knows no hour and satisfaction!"

CLUNK! 

A wooden puppet smacks Chef Chin Iisou right at the back of his head.

"Oi, baka! One of your stupid dolls got into Prince Goku' s ten- inch cheesecake again! You tryin' to poison him or something?! Baka hentai chef with freaky fetishes!" A palace servant hollered from the kitchen door, and then left as soon as he had made sure the cook has received his nightly dose of verbal abuse.

"Poison him? Of course not! I was trying blow him up!" Chin Iisou rubbed a lump at the back of his head. He made a mental note to create lighter dolls that can carry as much firepower as possible but won't add to the weight of the food and won't hurt as much when chucked at him. He knows he doesn't feel pain at all, but why on earth is it an exception when they wallop him with his own dolls? That one he has to figure out until his next foiled assassination attempt on Prince Goku.

Kaiten Kyoumon: "I thought he's like a walking bottle of anesthetic? How come he DOES get hurt when they lob his dolls at him?" 

Nikoru Sanzo: (shows her sutra a mile- long list of signatures from the We-Can't-Forgive-Chin-Iisou-For-What-He-Did-To-Hakkai-In-Episodes-$-To-$ Society: so this is almost a spoiler, ne?) 

Kaiten Kyoumon: "Oh, okay! Not that I'm complaining anyway." 

After making sure no one's around to look over his shoulder, Chin Iisou took out a bulky tome. The front cover's title was suspiciously scratched out and the words "Secret Royal Recipes For Prince Goku" were hastily scribbled on with what looks like blood and ceramic paint. He opened the book and began flipping through the yellowed and worn pages.

"Let's see' hmm' types of wood for killer puppets' "

From behind the spice rack, Hakkai and Gojyo stole uneasy looks at the obviously unstable chef.

"I don't like the looks of him. We had better sneak out of this room and find Sanzo. Gojyo? Gojyo! What are you doing?" Hakkai worriedly called out to his friend who had already made his way into an open basket on the floor.

The horny kappa was hitting on a shiny female lobster. "Hey there, sugar! Wanna celebrate my arrival with a mating dance?"

To Gojyo' s and Hakkai' s horror, the female lobster suddenly emitted a siren- like wail and began screaming, "Master Chin Iisou! Intruders! Intruders!"

"Wha? What?!"

Startled by his lobster shikigami, Chin Iisou accidentally drops the monstrous tome on his foot. He felt no pain, only annoyance as he looked at his crushed foot.

"Oh boy, the other servants are gonna have a field day over my dead toenails."

"Master Chin Iisou! Intruders! Intruders!"

The youkai chef spun around and spotted the shocked kappa in the basket.

"A-ha! A horny little sea gokiburi caught in my snare. I knew my lobster shikigami would come in handy one day. " Chin Iisou reached into the basket to pick up Gojyo.

"Snare this!" Gojyo clamped his claws on Chin Iisou' s fingers. The latter, unable to feel the slightest sting, simply grabbed our poor kappa with his other hand.

"Hakkai! Gimme a hand!"

"Hakkai? You have a friend with you, eh? Will both of you give me a wonderful lobster dinner? That's right, while Prince Goku munches on one of you, my little lobster shikigami will lie still with the other and wait for the right time to'"

"Unhand him, you fiend!" Hakkai launched into the air and knocked Gojyo out of Chin Iisou' s hand. The crazy chef's narrow eyes flickered with interest.

"C- can it be? Is that you, Cho Gono? The notorious mass- murderer who massacred an entire clan of youkai aboard a luxury liner?"

Hakkai seemed to be puzzled. "You looked familiar. But didn't I already'?"

Gojyo' s eyes darted from Chin Iisou to his friend. It was no secret to him that Hakkai' s girlfriend; a pretty flounder named Kanan was caught in the fishing line of Chin Iisou' s father- Hyakugan- Mao, and taken up into their luxury liner. Who knows what unspeakable deeds were done to the poor flounder girl? Appalling deeds that were likely done with some Hollandaise sauce and a sprig of parsley. Hakkai, who was named Cho Gono, a teacher at a school of fish at that time, slaughtered Chin Iisou and his entire clan aboard the cruise ship in revenge. The rest was history.

Chin Iisou unbuttoned his shirt and pointed at a strange object embedded on his bare chest. "I have waited for this very day to get back at you, Cho Gono! I've been kept alive by THIS!"

Gojyo' s crimson eyes drooped, "Isn't that a mousetrap?"

Chin Iisou sweats like mad, "Baka ero kappa! It's a mahjong tile, not a' Oh, right! Those stupid palace servants always made fun of me. Can you imagine the inconvenience of a bathtub filled with mousetraps?"

Hakkai and Gojyo turn a sickly shade of green at the mental picture of a naked Chin Iisou thrashing about in a bathtub filled with mousetraps.

The barmy youkai chef impatiently clapped his hands. "Get them, my trusty minions!"

Like some sick nightmare, the cupboards, baskets, jars, and other vessels in the cramped kitchen opened to reveal their creepy occupants. Evil magical dummies in different shapes and kinds began crawling out of their respective hiding places. There were vegetable and fruit shikigami, kitchen utensil shikigami, condiment shikigami, pots and pan shikigami. Horror of horrors! Obviously a TV cable shopping fan, the nutty cook even made a _Rotato_¢â shikigami! All you had to do is stick in a potato, and watch the amazing _Rotato_¢â shikigami make the dreaded peels of slicing death. Good for garnishing and salad- making by the way.

Kaiten Kyoumon: (rather disappointed) "What? No _George Foreman Grill_¢â shikigami?" 

Nikoru Sanzo: "Glad I'm not eating right now! If Chin Iisou had been the bathroom janitor he'd probably come up with a _Silhouette40_¢â shikigami as well!" 

Surrounded and outnumbered, Hakkai and Gojyo backed themselves into a corner.

"Hakkai, can't you just blast these buggers?"

"If we attract the attention of the other servants, we might put Sanzo in a difficult position."

Gojyo narrowly evaded the cheese grater and egg- beater shikigami that pounced on him at the same time. "Then what do you call this mess we're in right now? Blowing bubbles?"

"That's it!" Hakkai exclaimed brightly. Just then, about ten critters jumped on them.

"Hakkai!"

The flounder blew ten bubbles with amazing speed, imprisoning the jumping dolls who thought could make short work of them. But it wasn't enough. More of these pests were already creeping out of their hiding places.

Chin Iisou laughed his evil laugh, "Give it up, Cho Gono! Accept your horrible, painful, tasty fate!"

"Kyuu!"

Flying in from the kitchen window, Hakuryuu fluttered in and began spewing forth flames, setting the puppets on fire. The agitated shikigami began running around, creating unbelievable chaos. Some of them even pounced on Chin Iisou who flapped his arms like crazy and screamed bloody murder.

Gojyo and Hakkai took advantage of the distraction and quietly sneaked out of the kitchen. Hakuryuu followed suit. As soon as the three of them were gone through the door, Hakuryuu gently landed beside the two fishy guys.

"Kyuu!"

Hakkai and Gojyo immediately understood. They both climbed atop the little white dragon's back.

"Hang on, Gojyo!" Hakkai cheerfully called out.

"I'm hangin'! I'm hangin'!"

Hakuryuu flapped his wings and rose up in the air. The three of them sailed away from the kitchen and into safety.

In mortal rage, Chin Iisou grabbed a nutcracker shikigami and burst through the door. Not finding his tormentors, he rushed outside into the adjoining garden where some of the palace servants were taking a well- deserved break after a hard day's work.

"A red gokiburi and a green flounder with a monocle! Where are they?!" Panting heavily, he bellowed at the servants.

A royal gardener raised an eyebrow, "Oi, baka! You're ugly hair's on fire and you're missing an ear!"

"Looks like you've been playing with your dolls again!" A palace guard chortled.

Chin Iisou 's nose blew steam and a large vein threatened to explode at his temple. Unable to do anything else, he just turned his back on the palace servants who were rolling in the grass and nearly choking with laughter. Returning to his ruined kitchen, he muttered and cursed incessantly.

"Just you idiots wait until I develop hair lice shikigami!"

AT THE ROYAL LIBRARY'

Sanzo' s eyes widened at the sight of untold number of books nestled in the towering shelves that covered the three vast walls of the library. The other side of the room is actually a huge window designed to let in the sunlight during daytime. But it was already evening and the moon and stars could be seen through the high panes.

_"So many books!"_

Sanzo steals a glance at the saru who's still happily wolfing down a bucket of fried chicken. As if they didn't just have supper!

_"So many books to be ignored!"_

Goku must have noticed the monk staring at him.

"Nani, Sunshine? Is there anything wrong, Sunshine?"

Sanzo gritted his teeth, _"MUST he punctuate each sentence with SUNSHINE?!"_

The monk brought a cigarette to his lips. It was his good fortune that the prince kept some cancer sticks lying around just in case he had visitors who favored the habit. Perhaps Goku had already seen someone going through a nicotine withdrawal? It didn't matter. Genjo Sanzo' s withdrawal symptoms would probably bring about the end of the world and not a topic for pleasant discussion. He inhaled deeply, tar, nicotine and other nasty substances wonderfully filling his lungs.

There was a polite knock on the door. It was the butler.

"May I have a word with you, Prince Goku?"

"Uhm munch! okay. munch! "

"I regret to inform His Royal Highness that the official palace cook- Chef Chin Iisou has torched the royal kitchen."

"Really? Why'd he do something like that?"

The butler pointed at his head and twirled his fingers in a "loose-screws" gesture.

"Oh! No wonder I've been finding pieces of wood and screws in my food lately."

"Uhm' That would be because the Royal Chef has been inserting wooden puppets into your food, my lord."

"Wow! You mean something like a surprise? Ne, Sunshine! The Royal Chef wants to give us a surprise!" Goku tugged at Sanzo' s sleeve. The blond priest rolled his eyes.

_"Somebody get me out of here!"_

The butler was either blatantly patronizing or unbelievably patient," Your Highness, we had to remove the dolls otherwise your food would have tasted horrible. With the kind of behavior Chin Iisou has been exhibiting, may I suggest that we remove him from his duties and find a more skilled and mentally balanced replacement chef?"

Goku didn't give it much thought, "Sure, why not?" Beside him, Sanzo almost smirks.

_"Casually running the affairs of the state."_

"Shall I kick Chin Iisou out of the royal gates, or would you prefer that I let the royal hounds and Dobermans chase him until the next county?"

"Nah. I feel kinda' sorry for him. Maybe we could make him change jobs instead?"

Was it the flickering of the light from the fireplace or did Sanzo just notice the butler's eyes gleaming mischievously?

"May I offer a humble suggestion?"

"Uh- huh."

"Perhaps it will be best if we assign Chin Iisou to the Royal Stables. The last boy who held the exalted position of Royal Equine Sanitation Engineer has been promoted to Royal Equine Feeds Purchasing."

"Royal Equi-what Sani- thingy Guy? You mean like crap sweeper?"

A genuine smile. "His Majesty is most astute."

"I don't know what that means, but thanks anyway."

"I think I'm gonna throw up!"

"I am grateful for your time, Prince Goku. I apologize for the interruption. A pleasant evening to His Royal Highness and Master Sunshine." The butler politely replied. Sanzo didn't miss it. Again, there was that slight chuckle over the mention of his infernal new name. The butler makes a humble bow and leaves the room.

Prince Goku sets down the empty bucket of fried chicken on an ornamental coffee table. He stretched his arms and yawned.

"It's getting late, Sunshine! Maybe we should get back upstairs and'"

THUMP! 

To Sanzo' s disgust, Prince Goku fell asleep before he could finish his sentence. The sweet little saru was already snoring his head off and the monk could only shake his head.

Like a pleasant but suspicious surprise, the gaslights on the library chandelier suddenly went out. Somewhere down the hallway, a dedicated butler could be heard saying, "Oops!" as he stood smiling knowingly next to a gaslight main switch. The only source of light in the study was the fire crackling cheerfully in the stone hearth. Sanzo sighed. It would be too dark to go stumbling about in the corridors to find his room. Might as well spend the night in the library. The lavish Victorian sofas looked too stuffy and confining to sleep in, the divans were converted into makeshift picnic tables for all the chow that Goku brought in with them. That leaves the wonderfully inviting white bearskin rug on the floor, half of it already occupied by Goku. But the bakasaru' s unholy snoring! Sanzo groaned at the terrible inconvenience.

As Goku lay sprawled on the spacious white bearskin rug, the light from the fireplace cast soft shadows upon the prince's face. In his sleep, he smiled and purred contentedly in the most charming manner, curled up and dreaming in a world with his Sunshine. For one not to be touched by the endearing sight of a peacefully sleeping Prince Goku, a creature would have to be made of stone. Or simply be Genjo Sanzo.

He roughly nudged Goku with his foot. "Oi, bakasaru! Move over!"

"Mmm' Ne, Sunshine' pork bun'" Goku dreamily murmured and rolled over to his side.

After making sure that he has ample space for a comfortable, if not totally quiet night, Sanzo slipped out of his jacket and sat down next to Goku. For some reason that can be discounted as completely irrational in the books of Genjo Sanzo, the blond priest gently laid his jacket upon the sleeping form beside him. He tucked in the coat to make sure it won't come off when the saru starts tossing about in his sleep. Only then did Sanzo allowed himself to sink into a most welcome and dreamless slumber.

TBC

¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢♫¢

Nikoru Sanzo: Aaaawwww! Isn't THAT sweet?

Kaiten Kyoumon: Ack! My blood sugar level!

Nikoru Sanzo: Two bishounens sound asleep on a white bearskin rug near the fireplace in an old world type library. This merits a snapshot/screen cap moment!

Kaiten Kyoumon: With the mellow and subtle lighting conditions, we could even pass this off like a Rembrandt or night- time Jan Vermeer!

Nikoru Sanzo: Ack! My blood sugar level!


	6. Trouble Ahoy!

And A Little Dedication:

I consecrate this chapter to lin, whose reviews have greatly humbled and encouraged me. A thousand apologies for my laziness, ne?

Standard disclaimers apply.

The Little Mer- Bishounen 

By: Nikoru Sanzo

Chapter 6- Trouble Ahoy! 

He felt himself being rocked gently by the currents he knew so well. The soft fronds and sea grass tenderly swayed and caressed his cheeks. Sunlight shone through the surface of the waters, a brilliant blue stained glass above him. The warmth from the sun slowly drew him from his slumber and enticed him to open his eyes and savor the world laid out for him.

"Sunshine!"

Sanzo lazily opened one eye and then turned over on his side. He hugged the white rug' s stuffed bear- head and wished he could cram his own head in it and drown out every sound in the world.

Goku excitedly shook the priest by his shoulders. "Ne, Sunshine! Wake up! The butler just brought in breakfast!"

Sanzo sat up and roughly pushed Goku away from him.

"Urusai! I was just having this wonderful dream where I've already turned into sea foam, hiding under a rock in the bottom of the sea!"

But Goku was persistent, and he knew just what his Sunshine needed. He walked over to the table that was groaning under the weight of a twelve- course breakfast. He grabbed a mug of steaming coffee and shoved it into Sanzo' s hands, accidentally spilling all of it on the monk' s hips and other places where boiling coffee shouldn't be spilled on.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Sunshine!"

((Kaiten Kyoumon: (panics) "What about the beautiful future mer- babies?!"))

((Nikoru Sanzo: "Relax! Sanzo' s still perfectly capable of getting pregnant and bearing beautiful children."))

((Kaiten Kyoumon: (blinks) "Sanzo' s part sea- horse?"))

((Nikoru Sanzo: (snorts) "Yes! And part unicorn-fairy too! Now on with the fic!"))

Sanzo opened his mouth in a wordless scream as he quickly stood up. The rush of blood in his head and the excruciating heat that threatened to castrate him pushed him into familiar fight- and- (somebody else's) flight mode.

((Nikoru Sanzo: (stuffs head in a bag of ice and Wet Ones) "Sorry! Burning-In-The-Loins false alarm!"))

((Kaiten Kyoumon: "Oh, and is "fight-and-flight-mode" a new euphemism for a certain _something _now?"))

Without his fan and pistol, Sanzo decided to seize the nearest thing he could get his hands on. Fortunately for Goku, it was a brochure for a credit card application and not the hardcover edition of _207,568 Easy Steps To Writing Parody Fanfiction_.

He whacked the poor prince until one could read about the wonderful and exciting privileges of holding a credit card from Goku' s growing head lump. Before the Humane Society could barge in and rescue the abused monkey, Sanzo noticed the mangled brochure' s cover and ceased for a moment.

_"Golden Buddha MasterCard! Unlimited shopping fun that you don't have to pay for, anytime in your lifetime! Run to your nearest and only Three Mer- Buddhas' Branch (that would be the Chou- An Sea Temple) and get one now! Available to high- ranking priests only (so too bad if you got this brochure in your mail by mistake)!"_

When he thought Goku was trying to sneak away, he gave the boy one last wallop, just to be sure. Still, nothing could ever beat the paper fan.

"But I'm not going anywhere! I'm staying!" Goku looked up at the monk with a pained and teary expression.

Sanzo glared at the boy with his Most Withering Glare, but was taken aback by what he thought he could read in Goku' s eyes.

"Sunshine, do you remember when I told you about the man who saved my life? The man who shone like the sun? I guess I forgot to mention that it felt like he was hitting me and…"

_"Merciful kami! Are those fairy dust, smoky light and pixie sparkles hovering around the saru' s head?"_

((Kaiten Kyoumon: "Don't forget the Enya soundtrack."))

_"And that otherworldly music that's imbuing me with the sickening feeling of warmth and LOVE?! No! Must… resist!"_

"Are you having tummy troubles?" Goku broke from his Holy-Light-Music pose and clasped the arms of his seemingly constipated Sunshine.

He brushed the boy's hands off his arms and sat down. Goku knelt before Sanzo and looked up at his face. There was an awkward silence between the two. Both of them were breathless, Sanzo with his uncertainty over what could happen next, and Goku with his near sureness of the end of his search.

A soft knock on the door brought back thoughts of breathing. Goku stood up and yelled with slight irritation, "Come in!"

The butler opened the door and gave a polite cough. " I apologize for my intrusion, Prince Goku. There is someone downstairs, and he insists upon meeting you in person."

Goku scratched his head. "A visitor? So early in the morning? What about breakfast? I'm starving!"

"I will advise the guest to wait for you in the private dining room. I'll have breakfast transferred there." The butler held the door open for the prince, but Goku seemed confused.

The butler smiled. "His Royal Highness' room is the hundred and fiftieth door to the left of this library."

"Uhm, Thanks. Need to wash up first and all, you know? I'll see you later, Sunshine." Goku waved at Sanzo and then left the room.

"Master Sunshine, would it please you if I brought you a change of clothes? Oh, I almost forgot, there's about an entire spring and fall line in your closet." He certainly didn't miss the stain on the priest's white pants.

Sanzo scowled, grabbed the empty mug of coffee and tilted it, hoping that the butler isn't getting any ideas.

"Ah, yes, it's a coffee stain, indeed. Well, there is absolutely nothing to worry about, Master Sunshine. There's a guest bathroom located a few steps to the right from this study. It has towels and robes for your use and it has a secret passageway that leads directly to the walk-in closet in your room. That way, you won't have to worry about running into anyone after your bath."

((Nikoru Sanzo: (raises her hand) "I hereby invoke the Fanfic Law of Convenient Circumstances!"))

Sanzo nodded and dismissed the butler with a wave of his hand. As soon as he was left alone in the room, a metallic clattering from the table startled him.

Sanzo, credit card brochure still in hand, crept up to the table and listened quietly for a few moments. Sure enough, there came the faint clanking once more. Quickly, he lifted the offending silver lid and whacked the culprit with one swift blow.

"Ow! Ow! It wasn't me, you stupid monk!" Gojyo yelped in pain as he crawled out of the silver plate.

Hakkai smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry, but your claws were tickling my sides."

From behind three tall baskets filled with croissants, Hakuryuu peered first and then stepped out. The little dragon gave a happy squeal before pecking at a sausage roll.

Sanzo narrowed his eyes, obviously displeased at seeing his companions again.

_What the hell are you doing here? I was hoping you'd get yourselves fried and baked already!_

Gojyo read the mix of disappointment and annoyance in Sanzo' s face. He shook a claw at the mer- priest.

"While you were having a grand time in some fancy tea party with the Prince, Hakkai and I nearly garnished one of last night's main courses!"

The sight of Sanzo' s face turning a sickly shade of green at the thought of a flounder and kappa stew prompted Hakkai to change the topic.

"You still have your human legs. I take it that Prince Goku hasn't acknowledged you yet."

Sanzo frowned and for a moment gave out an aura of frustration that was almost discernible from the look of contempt that he always wore. He picked up his jacket and headed straight for the door.

Gojyo clambered down the table leg. "Hey! Wait up! I don't wanna stay here and run into a crazy librarian this time!"

Hakkai laughed, thinking that the remark was directed at him. "And what would I do to you, Gojyo? Classify and put you under Perversion and Hentai?"

With an excited squeak, Hakuryuu flapped his wings and waited for Hakkai to climb upon his back. They picked up Gojyo and followed Sanzo to the guest bathroom.

((Kaiten Kyoumon: "Do we need to give details of Sanzo taking a bath? Hakkai and Gojyo are with him in _there_, you know!"))

((Nikoru Sanzo: "Thou Hentai Sutra! This isn't one of _those_ kinds of fics. And the fact that Hakuryuu' s with them will only make it weird _and_ _wrong_. "))

AN HOUR AND A TOTALLY WRECKED BATHROOM AND WALK- IN CLOSET LATER…

Sanzo walked, I meant, trudged wearily over to the royal private dining room. He was certain that the day would be another round of migraines and mind- numbing "Sunshine's(!)". In the pocket of his coat hid his hopeful companions while Hakuryuu perched on his shoulder.

He was already at the foot of the stairs and a few paces from the room when he ran into the butler. The man was apparently put off over something. However, his face broke into a genuine smile for Sanzo.

"Ah, Master Sunshine! You're a welcome sight indeed. Prince Goku 's already in the royal dining room with his guest who was adamant that they be left alone. May I speak forthrightly?"

Sanzo nodded. He welcomed the few minutes of delay before the inevitable swarm of "Sunshine's(!)".

The butler leaned closer and lowered his voice. "Frankly, I don't like the way the man looks at Prince Goku. I am at a loss which word to use for it. Gawk? Leer? Ogle? I wouldn't have left if His Highness didn't ask me to."

Sanzo frowned and one thought ran through his mind.

_Good. Because I hope this guy kidnaps the idiot monkey and takes him someplace far, far from me. I'll even pay him not to bring the moron back. Good riddance, then!_

The butler, mistaking Sanzo' s serious expression for concern, smiled with relief.

"I thank you, Master Sunshine. You've never acted unseemly towards our Prince and have never abused his kindness. We of this household have faith in your looking out for our Master's welfare." And the butler left without another word, filled with newfound confidence.

Gojyo peeked from Sanzo' s left pocket. He shot the dumbfounded priest a puzzled look. "You okay? You look like you need an antacid or a tetanus shot."

"Tetanus shots are for horses, and I'm not speaking of the sea-going kind." Hakkai corrected him from Sanzo' s right pocket.

And the two began to discuss the intricacies of Sanzo getting a tetanus shot while Hakuryuu peeped an affirmative or two in favor of Hakkai. Sanzo groaned and thought of more infuriating scenarios to alleviate his misery.

But before he could find a More Disturbing Thought Than These Idiots #1 for his mental list, he was already standing before the door.

"… So there! If Sanzo' s a pregnant seahorse, then that's the only time he doesn't need a tetanus shot!" Gojyo exclaimed, hoping to end the debate.

The irate monk yanked at Gojyo' s feelers and was satisfied when the kappa gave a painful cry.

"All right! All right! You'll need a tetanus shot even if you're pregnant!" Gojyo conceded as Hakkai chuckled.

Sanzo rolled his eyes.

_I am going nowhere and I have to take these idiots with me?!_

He placed a hand on the intricate doorknob and turned it slowly. As he did, something unanticipated beset his ears, something as familiar as…

_My voice! Is that idiot monkey a ventriloquist now?!_

Hakkai wondered. "Is Sanzo able to speak again?"

And Gojyo groaned, "It doesn't matter. Whether the corrupt mer- priest has a voice or not, he's still a pain in the fins!"

Sanzo pushed the door and stepped into the room. At the sight of the other man with Goku, he felt the wind knocked out of his lungs.

"And you must be Sunshine. Prince Goku has told me a _lot_ about you."

Sanzo froze. If voices could be seen, then he was certainly looking at mirror of his own.

And yet, the voice was not his, for gone was the outright disdain only to be replaced by an unmistakable tone of dark and wicked amusement.

Goku smiled awkwardly and introduced his guest. "Sunshine, this is Lord Homura. He's on some sort of state visit or something from some country far away."

Homura, with a haughty stride, approached Sanzo and whispered in his ear.

"Apparently, you've been having a little too much fun with Prince Goku."

A lesser man would have laughed at the ridiculous charge, but Sanzo wasn't a lesser man. And therefore, he just gave Homura the usual Withering Glare For Lesser Men™.

((Kaiten Kyoumon: "Someone was obviously thinking _less_ of Homura when she churned up this fic."))

((Nikoru Sanzo: (evil overlord cackling) "Not at all. As much as I have oodles of compassion for him, the Withering Glare For Lesser Men™ crack was part of a marketing strategy to appease those who enjoy reading Sanzo/Goku/Homura love triangle ficcies!"))

((Kaiten Kyoumon: You are such a sell- out!"))

Goku tugged at Homura' s sleeve. "Hey! We've been waiting forever for Sunshine. Now that he's here, can we go have breakfast now? I'm hungry!"

With a look that screamed This-Will-Hurt-Me-More-Than-It-Will-Hurt-You scream, Homura walloped Goku with Sanzo' s paper fan.

"Hush! You simian with a sub- optimal aptitude! I should've let you drown in the beach, but your foolhardiness beseeches me to respond with exceedingly unnecessary violence!"

Gojyo nearly burst into laughter. "What a waste! He can't even do a Sanzo right!"

The mer- monk's fists clenched and unclenched to see Homura brandishing his paper fan, THE paper fan that only he, Genjo Sanzo, has the divine authority to wield and abuse with.

Goku blinked and pointed at the paper fan. "The crushing force of 3,800 Psi…"

Hakkai smiled knowingly. "Oh, that's nothing! Sanzo can achieve 8,300 Psi with his harissen, among other things."

Sanzo buried his face in his hands.

_If I had only known the idiot has a skull that rivals all the barnacles in this world, then I would've hit him harder that day at the beach._

Goku took a few timid steps towards Homura. He narrowed his eyes, as if searching for something that should have already blared its presence with the blaring of a thousand trumpets.

There was a hint of uncertainty in his eyes, but they were kicked out none too quickly by resignation.

"Then it must be you, the man who saved my life. Your voice and the paper fan are enough for me." Goku spoke, not with expected elation, but with unusual solemnity.

With an air of triumph, Homura glanced at the stunned mer- priest and mouthed a silent gloating over his conquest.

_He's mine, Genjo Sanzo._

TO BE CONTINUED o o o

Yei! Author's Note's/Ramblings that have nothing to do whatsoever with the story and

only serve as a Thinly Disguised Apology for Laziness!

In an abandoned tower, a few gazillion leagues south of Minas Tirith…

Kaiten Kyoumon: (threateningly)

"You'd better start working on Chapter 7 now."

Nikoru Sanzo: (arms flailing wildly and unable to touch the keyboard)

"But I can't see a thing! Something wonderful is obscuring my vision! Oh, blessed sightlessness!"

Kaiten Kyoumon: (grabs the life- size Faramir plushie sitting on Nikoru Sanzo' s lap and throws it out of the window)

"There! That should do it!"

Nikoru Sanzo: (jumps out of the window after the plushie, like a raging fangurl maniac)

"My One-True-Wuv! I'll save you!"

(pink and white hearts pop up and follow her like a comet streak, leaving a trail of utter destruction in their wake)

Kaiten Kyoumon: (peers out at the window)

"This may take a while. Now I know why this 8,383-foot tower came out cheap in the market."


End file.
